posted sunday, september 14, 2008

on september 10, 2008 layne orville colledge passed away from injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident on saturday, september 5.
since i found out, my heart has struggled to believe it. i feel as though im looking at my world through a mirror. i see how i should be functioning...i see how i want my life to be progressing, but the reality is i havent been able to function at all.
today was the viewing and visiting with the family. as we walked into the church there was a line into the room that the casket and the family was in. a table was set up along the wall and it had the flower vases that people had sent the family as well as photos of him growing up. i even saw the vase that i had sent them of the red roses and white daisys (my favorites) there were his senior photos as well as his eagle scout plaque and his hiking backpack and camera box. on the video screen playing was a slideshow of pictures. some that he had taken and then some of his family and him growing up. in most of the scenic pictures, i had been with him and it was so touching to hear people complimenting on his talents.
i was hoping that it would have been a closed casket seeing as the injuries he received in the accident were mostly head. when i saw him there my heart dropped to floor. he looked nothing like the layne i knew. i kept trying to tell myself that it was just his shell...the reason it didnt look like him was because there was no spirit. the bit that made layne layne, was in a much better place. but it still hurt me terribly to think that he was no longer there.
as we traveled down the line of the family, i remembered my granny's funeral not to long ago. where it had been me and my family in a line. of course, there were about 30 of us and the line was much longer than the colledge's, but as i went through the motions of apologizing for their loss, i felt a part of their family too. i had never met his grandparents until this evening and i wish that i had met them earliar on better circumstances. but they said they had heard so much about me and were glad to have met me. kolby his brother, also told me that i was more than welcome at his house whenever i wanted to visit and chat if i needed it.
tomorrow is the funeral...i dont know if i can handle all of this.