posted, october 8, 2008

so many things are happening so quickly! i got the job that layne always told me to go for and started it two weeks ago. im the visual presentation manager and the banana republic in murray (fashion place mall) the cool thing is it's a full time position so FINALLY i have benefits and can get the ear infection ive had for about two months now looked at. layne would be so proud of me!
i am still finding it hard to function a little. there are a few people in my life that are trying to speed up my grieving process and tell me to just get on with my life already, but i really wish it was that simple. i find myself wandering around the mall in a daze usually on my lunch breaks. remembering silly things that layne and i would go do when i wasnt at work. our favorite place to hit before noon was starbucks and we usually went there twice a week. (depending on how many times i could get him outta bed before 11! haha) at night one found us meeting up at our friend talls or mckays for some video games or just sitting on the couch talking. we would tell each other all the details of the day that we spent apart, trying to get the other to laugh. sometimes he would take me on his motorcycle to the park down the street from my old complex and we would lay there and look at the stars...half the time not even talking. just looking at them. it was with him that i saw my first satalite and on one of these trips that we came up with a plan to start making our own constellations, that way we could memorize them better! sometimes while we layed on the blanket i would get homesick and he would let me cry on his shoulder. when i told him he didnt have to hang out with me so much, his response was "no one should ever be alone." layne was one of the first to ever really figure out my poetry too. he came over one night and i felt bold so read him some of my favorites. he interrupted me once and kissed me. i asked him what that was for and he said i deserved it. he had a way of making me feel like his life and purpose needed me. whatever the plan was for us to meet. it needed to be at that time and in those moments. and whatever we decided in our premortal existance, we must have agreed that he would go away for awhile...(although i must have dozed off in that part of our planning) i wont lie, i still pick up my phone at least once a day to text him. and i am grateful i did save some of the texts that he sent me when he was still alive. ive tried calling him too, and if you were to listen to his voicemails, youd here my hearts confessions. there was something about him, it captivated me. his intelligence, his ideas, his plans...although he left them for me to carry on without him, he will always be with me in spirit.