today was my first day off in forever! i was so excited to spend the morning in bed. but then again, i woke up and realized it was going to be one of THOSE days.
i can always tell when its going to be rough because the sun isnt out. sunny days make me sad too, dont get me wrong, but on sunny days the clouds always paint pictures and i can imagine layne up there somewhere painting them just for me so i can see them. on cloudy days though, when its cold and rainy, it gets to be a little unbearable and i find myself breaking down in tears a few more times than usual.
i had a pretty lengthy list of things i needed to do today to prepare for the upcoming holiday season. those things including getting a utah dl, the dry cleaners, and a few returns.
in august when i first started talking about getting a utdl, i was with layne and he told me he would go with me. so today, i started my adventure at the dmv alone. i went to the office in provo at about 930, hoping to beat the rush before noon. but what a surprise! the lines were probably just as long. so i finished my paperwork and waited for my number to be called. just to find when it was called 45 minutes later, that i needed to go to the dmv that was less than a mild from my house and take the drivers test because i had an out of state license. HELLO! obviously i can drive, i have a scdl! so, i got in my little honda and drove back to orem just to wait in line AGAIN for about an hour just for an old man to give me a number and tell me to sit down and wait for my number to be called. it was in this nightmaric wait yet again of the dmvhell, i had plenty of time to think about him. while i was sitting and waiting to take my test (the fourth time i had sat down mind you) i looked around me and saw a lot of people in pairs, or bigger groups. all talking and chatting and waiting together. i was sitting in a corner by myself and couldnt help but smile to start off with. then i could picture layne in the empty chair next to me and remembered the way he sat. it felt so real, but transparent at the same time. in his favorite rockin republic jeans and that nice black and brown button up we bought at express. we would talk about how lame residency was for states and for schools, and all the steps you had to go through. or my favorite topic, why we need to take another drivers test. then i missed him. i could feel my heart full on ache for him. and of course, i started crying.
right then i get called to take the test. the first time i took it, i failed. no one told me it was open book and they didnt give me a book! i sort of had a bf, especially when they said i was going to have to come back in a month to retake it. but when they found out i hadnt been given a book, and been driving around to every dmv in utah county, they felt bad and let me retake it. the second time i passed. thankfully.
and then i had to go take my picture right after i had been upset with them, and missing layne. so ive been mad and crying at the same time and trying not to let it show in my picture, i leaned forward and tried to open up my eyes and make it seem like i was really happy. no...it looks nothing like that. my picture looks more along the lines of too much botox in my forehead or i was surprised. the picture taker didnt ask me though, if i cared to retake, but dont worry, he did ask the bald guy after me. after all of this, he printed me out a paper license and said my plastic one should arrive to my house in two weeks.
after that lovely adventure, i decided the dmv took too much energy out of me.
i dont like to feel like i pity myself, or that im miserable. for the most part my life is good. but i see people now who break up and they feel like its the end of the world. that their life will never continue and im so jealous of them. i wish this was a break up. i wish it was just me that was cut out, but he was still there. those people, i wish they would shut up. its the last thing i want to hear, about how your life is ending, when it really could be so much worse.
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