so for the past few weeks, ive noticed it a little bit harder to get into my jeans...and when shilo had to help me the other night, i knew i had a problem on my hands. so on monday, i invested in a personal trainer. id like to run a marathon. (that kinda reminded me of the pink panther...i would like to buy a hamburger)
so i have two, mel and adrian, and today was my first real session. and me, ciri, being the absolute complete idiot that i am, didnt eat before. well, i did eat. two sugar cookies and a diet coke dont really count though. my excuse? ive been working since 7 this morning and im broke! so after doing what felt like intense stuff, i almost passed out. you know that feeling you get where your whole body goes numb and you get cold and see stars? yea, i totally got that. and it was intensified by like 100, when i found out i weighed in at 109! so then, adrian had to go get a protein shake for me, and i felt a little better...but omh, i was still so embarassed. i used to be so much smarter than that! we ended up talking and he seems like a pretty cool guy. i feel bad he gets to see me all sweaty and grunting. that has to be an unfortunate sight. im pretty sure my looks of determination are not attractive at all in the slightest bit. as far as going over my diet, im not eating enough protein and a freaking lot of carbs. so, im about to make a trip to the grocery store and pick up some protein-i-fied items, as well as some green vegetables. too bad i hate turkey or tomorrow might be pretty cool.
speaking of tomorrow, im headed over to the colledges for thanksgiving in the morning. i decided i wanted to cook my grannys homemade macaroni and cheese. i told my mom today of my plans and she gave me this warning, "be careful and dont drain all the water from the noodles. i made it one year when we had a dinner at your friends' the mcmurtreys and no one touched it." so with that in mind, i thought about doing a trial run tonight to see how it fairs, but now that i think about it, im pretty lazy and if it turns out ok, why would i make it again in the morning?
eating all day tomorrow? gym 9am on friday? i still feel so embarassed about it all. oh well, im ciri, queen of awkward anyway. its almost my middle name!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
those hard days man, they sneak up on ya
today was my first day off in forever! i was so excited to spend the morning in bed. but then again, i woke up and realized it was going to be one of THOSE days.
i can always tell when its going to be rough because the sun isnt out. sunny days make me sad too, dont get me wrong, but on sunny days the clouds always paint pictures and i can imagine layne up there somewhere painting them just for me so i can see them. on cloudy days though, when its cold and rainy, it gets to be a little unbearable and i find myself breaking down in tears a few more times than usual.
i had a pretty lengthy list of things i needed to do today to prepare for the upcoming holiday season. those things including getting a utah dl, the dry cleaners, and a few returns.
in august when i first started talking about getting a utdl, i was with layne and he told me he would go with me. so today, i started my adventure at the dmv alone. i went to the office in provo at about 930, hoping to beat the rush before noon. but what a surprise! the lines were probably just as long. so i finished my paperwork and waited for my number to be called. just to find when it was called 45 minutes later, that i needed to go to the dmv that was less than a mild from my house and take the drivers test because i had an out of state license. HELLO! obviously i can drive, i have a scdl! so, i got in my little honda and drove back to orem just to wait in line AGAIN for about an hour just for an old man to give me a number and tell me to sit down and wait for my number to be called. it was in this nightmaric wait yet again of the dmvhell, i had plenty of time to think about him. while i was sitting and waiting to take my test (the fourth time i had sat down mind you) i looked around me and saw a lot of people in pairs, or bigger groups. all talking and chatting and waiting together. i was sitting in a corner by myself and couldnt help but smile to start off with. then i could picture layne in the empty chair next to me and remembered the way he sat. it felt so real, but transparent at the same time. in his favorite rockin republic jeans and that nice black and brown button up we bought at express. we would talk about how lame residency was for states and for schools, and all the steps you had to go through. or my favorite topic, why we need to take another drivers test. then i missed him. i could feel my heart full on ache for him. and of course, i started crying.
right then i get called to take the test. the first time i took it, i failed. no one told me it was open book and they didnt give me a book! i sort of had a bf, especially when they said i was going to have to come back in a month to retake it. but when they found out i hadnt been given a book, and been driving around to every dmv in utah county, they felt bad and let me retake it. the second time i passed. thankfully.
and then i had to go take my picture right after i had been upset with them, and missing layne. so ive been mad and crying at the same time and trying not to let it show in my picture, i leaned forward and tried to open up my eyes and make it seem like i was really happy. no...it looks nothing like that. my picture looks more along the lines of too much botox in my forehead or i was surprised. the picture taker didnt ask me though, if i cared to retake, but dont worry, he did ask the bald guy after me. after all of this, he printed me out a paper license and said my plastic one should arrive to my house in two weeks.
after that lovely adventure, i decided the dmv took too much energy out of me.
i dont like to feel like i pity myself, or that im miserable. for the most part my life is good. but i see people now who break up and they feel like its the end of the world. that their life will never continue and im so jealous of them. i wish this was a break up. i wish it was just me that was cut out, but he was still there. those people, i wish they would shut up. its the last thing i want to hear, about how your life is ending, when it really could be so much worse.
i can always tell when its going to be rough because the sun isnt out. sunny days make me sad too, dont get me wrong, but on sunny days the clouds always paint pictures and i can imagine layne up there somewhere painting them just for me so i can see them. on cloudy days though, when its cold and rainy, it gets to be a little unbearable and i find myself breaking down in tears a few more times than usual.
i had a pretty lengthy list of things i needed to do today to prepare for the upcoming holiday season. those things including getting a utah dl, the dry cleaners, and a few returns.
in august when i first started talking about getting a utdl, i was with layne and he told me he would go with me. so today, i started my adventure at the dmv alone. i went to the office in provo at about 930, hoping to beat the rush before noon. but what a surprise! the lines were probably just as long. so i finished my paperwork and waited for my number to be called. just to find when it was called 45 minutes later, that i needed to go to the dmv that was less than a mild from my house and take the drivers test because i had an out of state license. HELLO! obviously i can drive, i have a scdl! so, i got in my little honda and drove back to orem just to wait in line AGAIN for about an hour just for an old man to give me a number and tell me to sit down and wait for my number to be called. it was in this nightmaric wait yet again of the dmvhell, i had plenty of time to think about him. while i was sitting and waiting to take my test (the fourth time i had sat down mind you) i looked around me and saw a lot of people in pairs, or bigger groups. all talking and chatting and waiting together. i was sitting in a corner by myself and couldnt help but smile to start off with. then i could picture layne in the empty chair next to me and remembered the way he sat. it felt so real, but transparent at the same time. in his favorite rockin republic jeans and that nice black and brown button up we bought at express. we would talk about how lame residency was for states and for schools, and all the steps you had to go through. or my favorite topic, why we need to take another drivers test. then i missed him. i could feel my heart full on ache for him. and of course, i started crying.
right then i get called to take the test. the first time i took it, i failed. no one told me it was open book and they didnt give me a book! i sort of had a bf, especially when they said i was going to have to come back in a month to retake it. but when they found out i hadnt been given a book, and been driving around to every dmv in utah county, they felt bad and let me retake it. the second time i passed. thankfully.
and then i had to go take my picture right after i had been upset with them, and missing layne. so ive been mad and crying at the same time and trying not to let it show in my picture, i leaned forward and tried to open up my eyes and make it seem like i was really happy. no...it looks nothing like that. my picture looks more along the lines of too much botox in my forehead or i was surprised. the picture taker didnt ask me though, if i cared to retake, but dont worry, he did ask the bald guy after me. after all of this, he printed me out a paper license and said my plastic one should arrive to my house in two weeks.
after that lovely adventure, i decided the dmv took too much energy out of me.
i dont like to feel like i pity myself, or that im miserable. for the most part my life is good. but i see people now who break up and they feel like its the end of the world. that their life will never continue and im so jealous of them. i wish this was a break up. i wish it was just me that was cut out, but he was still there. those people, i wish they would shut up. its the last thing i want to hear, about how your life is ending, when it really could be so much worse.
Monday, November 3, 2008
halloween a day late...where does the time go?
i sort of rebelled this halloween.
originally i had to work that night so i had made no plans, but then as 7 oclock rolled around at the fashion place mall, i found that i was becoming very, very sick. so i called it a night and went home. of course, stopping by the colledges to wish aaron a happy birthday and eat their leftover chili. when i got home there was a bit of a mixup in our house about people being over and i ended up meeting shilo and the boys downstairs to watch the end of silence of the lambs, one of my favorite movies of all time! when it was over we decided that before next weekend we should watch all of the hannibal movies just so we know and understand the whole point of their existence. then with plans made for the first, i crawled my sick butt to bed and slept off my illness.
and saturday i felt worse then i expected. it was so bad i had to call out of work. (and later i found out aaron was just as sick!!!) but shilo invited me to go to a halloween party with her that night and i mustered up the energy to actually plan a costume and go. dressed up as an 80s rocker and shilo as a dead person that suffered a violent death with glass involved, the best thing about the party we decided when we got there was the food, and with full stomachs, we left an hour after we got there and started taking pictures on the way home. we decided that was definitely way more fun.
when we got back to our apartment, we raced to get ready for a movie date with the guys downstairs! and devin got the biggest kick out of my rocker hair and how he could stick a drumstick in it and try to pull the top out and it was stuck! he is almost certain he could have held me over the balcony like that...but i wouldnt let him try it! ill tell you what though...i had some BIG hair! haha
originally i had to work that night so i had made no plans, but then as 7 oclock rolled around at the fashion place mall, i found that i was becoming very, very sick. so i called it a night and went home. of course, stopping by the colledges to wish aaron a happy birthday and eat their leftover chili. when i got home there was a bit of a mixup in our house about people being over and i ended up meeting shilo and the boys downstairs to watch the end of silence of the lambs, one of my favorite movies of all time! when it was over we decided that before next weekend we should watch all of the hannibal movies just so we know and understand the whole point of their existence. then with plans made for the first, i crawled my sick butt to bed and slept off my illness.
and saturday i felt worse then i expected. it was so bad i had to call out of work. (and later i found out aaron was just as sick!!!) but shilo invited me to go to a halloween party with her that night and i mustered up the energy to actually plan a costume and go. dressed up as an 80s rocker and shilo as a dead person that suffered a violent death with glass involved, the best thing about the party we decided when we got there was the food, and with full stomachs, we left an hour after we got there and started taking pictures on the way home. we decided that was definitely way more fun.
when we got back to our apartment, we raced to get ready for a movie date with the guys downstairs! and devin got the biggest kick out of my rocker hair and how he could stick a drumstick in it and try to pull the top out and it was stuck! he is almost certain he could have held me over the balcony like that...but i wouldnt let him try it! ill tell you what though...i had some BIG hair! haha
Saturday, November 1, 2008
missing you today
this morning i laid in bed and watched the clouds change colors and play with the mountains in the east. the radio was a soft sound in the background of my thoughts and the air outside from the covers was cold on my skin. it usually is in these quiet moments of my mornings that i think of you the most. and today in particular.
you would have come over, and we probably would have sat on the bed and talked for a few hours. then maybe left to go to starbucks and catch a film. we did things like that. walked around the mall, drove up the canyon. i would have sat next to you while you took your pictures. and then the night would come and find us probably at mckays or maybe talls. playing wii or call of duty. then we go to bed and plan our escape of this world.
you beat me to the punch that's for sure.
and today i miss you a lot.
instead of seeing you, shilo came in and laid with me. we talked for hours about boys and made breakfast. not that it wasnt fun, but i find myself looking out the window again, wanting to travel back in time two months ago. to the same sky, same feeling, same eyes to see, and same heart beat, but still different.
you would have come over, and we probably would have sat on the bed and talked for a few hours. then maybe left to go to starbucks and catch a film. we did things like that. walked around the mall, drove up the canyon. i would have sat next to you while you took your pictures. and then the night would come and find us probably at mckays or maybe talls. playing wii or call of duty. then we go to bed and plan our escape of this world.
you beat me to the punch that's for sure.
and today i miss you a lot.
instead of seeing you, shilo came in and laid with me. we talked for hours about boys and made breakfast. not that it wasnt fun, but i find myself looking out the window again, wanting to travel back in time two months ago. to the same sky, same feeling, same eyes to see, and same heart beat, but still different.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
the root of my existence
my full name is ciri brooke putich. i got my first name from my grandma, my middle name from my aunt amy, and my last name well, from my dad. my mom just put them together. oh and brought me into the world, sacrificing her hips, butt, and thighs.
i was born in provo, ut while my dad was finishing up school at byu. a few months later, well actually a month later, we moved to cleveland, ohio. then when i was 11, we moved to hilton head, south carolina...which is basically where i say im from.
i am the oldest out of a family of five. i have two younger brothers and two younger sisters.
i love my family. they are absolutely nuts! when we all get together, you never know which way is up or which is down. the holidays are always filled with good food, the outdoors, and redneck humor.
i graduated from bluffton high school in 2006...barely. it seems i always felt i had much more important things to do than be in school.
right now, as my dad would say, im a young adult with NO direction in life, because im not in school right now. i guess due to some recent events, im a little confused as to what the future has to offer and i have always been afraid of commitment. the hard thing is i know exactly what i want to do and should just do it. but i guess im just lazy?
as for my religion, i am a member of the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. im sometimes a little reckless, and i know i get turned upside down. it has taken me a lot longer to get to where i am spiritually then it usually takes most people, but i feel stronger for that reason. no one is perfect, and im ok with that.
and then there is my love life.
or the lack thereof.
im single.
very very single.
i cant decide if its a good thing, or a bad thing.
i guess, questions like that are always a little bit harder to find answers for...because i know what i want, and when i want it, and where i want to go...its just the getting there with that someone who will take care of me for the eternities? i cant even get anyone to call me after a first date!!
im supposed to be here in the midst of eligible bachelors and of course...here i am. single and STILL in the midst of eligible bachelors.
in the words of a utahn' :
oh my heck.
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